As my career progresses and I take part in further training and development opportunities, I have found advocating so much easier. The reason for this is simple - Knowledge and Understanding of your own child and their individual needs make it easy for you to understand what is needed. This knowledge is down to time spent, with your child and immersing yourself in their world. With a birth child, this is often automatic - the attachments and attuned mindset are already there. With Foster Children, there is an awful lot of work to be done to get anywhere near this point.
I am so proud of how the Children in our care have progressed, some of them have developed into mature young people who have a voice of their own and an aura of self belief that was not present before. Advocating for these kids is vital to how they see us, how they percieve our place in their world and for the future stability of this family. It is also very important that our kids see us advocating for them, rightly or wrongly, they need to see that we have their backs and we are not going anywhere.
Imagine being taken away, right now from everything you love and understand. Taken to a strange place, with different furniture, strangers, rules and structures.
Now imagine you're still a child…
Mind boggling eh?
You have reached your destination (For now)
It is often impossible to be able to understand how a child feels when they arrive on our doorstep, a collection of bags being held by a stranger will likely be all that they own. My Wife knows some of how this feels, she has lived this experience as a young child on many occasions - different houses, different strangers but never back home… From that traumatic childhood has evolved hope, understanding and a love for the children who need us. My Wife entered the Foster Care system at around 7 or 8 years old. She was moved around a lot - a story that repeats itself today with thousands of children in the system. There is so much wrong with the Fostering System that it would take too many posts to detail it all. For me though, it should all start with consultation with professionals that are living within the system itself - Foster Carers!
Talking to Foster Carers in the Uk, it is evident that there is one reoccuring issue that seems to be affecting them (and ultimately the children in their care). How they are treated/viewed by the LA (Local Authority) or IFA (Independant Fostering Agency). This issue has serious ramifications for a carers longevity in the system. If they are treated poorly, then they are more likely to find an alternative career. This, I am afraid is the forever revolving Recruitement vs Retention model.
I have mentioned before how lucky I feel with the support and relationships within our LA. We feel valued, looked after and supported. It is not a picture that is repeated nationwide though.
Tenacity, rescourcefullnes and resillience are key qualities of a succseful Foster carer
When I was first approved as a Foster carer (seems like yesterday, but actually over a decade ago!), I remember a lovely, wise and thoughtful lady who was part of the management team, telling me that to be a good carer requires many qualities. The three that lead to a long career in Fostering were….
Tenacity
is about endurance, about being able to withstand all that life has to throw at you. To be tenacious, requires you to excell, to want to better yourself. I know, ambition does reduce, and our lives become almost robotically busy, but tenacious people manage to understand the required levels of responsibility and take the hits as they come.
Resourcefulness
is fantastic for the opposite reasons. Tenacity is all about endurance, so that makes resourcefulness all about calculated responses. A resourceful carer is a creative one. Encouraging creativity is also a great way of improving our children’s communication skills. When kids participate in creative activities, they often feel more confident to express themselves more freely. This can lead to better verbal and non-verbal communication, making it easier for them to share feelings, ideas, and emotions with others.
Resillience
is a difficult thing to teach. Resilience is the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands. Carers often need to learn new skills and be prepared for unexpected behaviours to arise that they will need to work through with the child. They will need to see the bigger picture beyond the behaviour and consistently, appropriately and respectfully address everything that arises where the child or family is not benefitting from their habits, behaviours, or choices.
If you are thinking of Fostering a child, or you know someone who might be interested in Fostering please get in touch or take a look at this Governement link .
A heavenly birthday
Today is my Mum’s birthday.
I posted a note, alongside one of my favourite images of us together.
Here it is.
She has such a cheeky laugh.
That is all for now. As we are still in the midst of major building works I have been unable to set up my Podcast studio anywhere that is not covered in dust!
For now, If you are struggling without my tones, here is one from the archives for your listening pleasure!
There is a particular Apple tree, with a particular ceremony….