Following on from my post last week, I thought I had better get a bit more down on the virtual page.
Since she died on the 17th of April, I have been on auto-pilot. I had a lot to get done in a very short space of time and by the end of the weekend I had had enough. My body was giving up and my mind was not far behind it. I was unable to continue and I became quite poorly. I do not think I am grieving (yet), and I do not think that it is grief that has knocked me over. I have just become overwhelmed with a burden and I recognise that.
Its all trash
I had never really thought about what happens to all our shit when we die. I now know. My Mum never owned very much that she was particularly proud of, apart from her china dolls in her display cabinet. Those have been carefully packed and distributed to Family members. A skip was placed on her driveway and a lot of the stuff that she had accumulated over the years found its way to a landfill site. I found that strange, the fact that within weeks her possessions will be six feet under the ground along with her. As I write this, I notice it seems hard, quite unfeeling. In all honesty, I have had to supress how I fee about so much of Mum’s things - If I had not, my home would be full of my Mum’s things. That, I could not have. I have to think, not only of my own feelings, but how my own Family might feel if there own home was full of my Mum’s possessions.
Clearing Mum’s home, was the hardest thing I have had to do. I am grateful to a local Charity shop that took delivery of a lot of her things.
Looking at this bare shell, a place where laughter was always heard, food was always forced down the throats of children and adults alike, a cup of tea was always offered, an honest word was given and unwavering Love was never too far away. Now, Mum is not here, her smell is gone and her soul will never return to this little bungalow again.
Looking through her old photo’s is like looking through her eyes once more….
Planning to say the final goodbye
Today (Thursday), I took my Mum’s posh dress to the Funeral Director, along with her false teeth and glasses. I have ordered the coffin - she is going out in style, and every detail has been arranged in relation to her last journey and resting place. I have nearly arranged the wake, and the food. I am sure I will miss something before the final goodbye.
I will be leading the service and delivering her Eulogy. I hope that I can get through that unscathed. My Wife (Ruth) has been my absolute rock and without her, I am certain I would of crumbled many times over.
That is about all I have for now….
Take care
Engaging Autopilot
Thankyou Lee for all you have done for your fabulous Mum! I’m so glad that you have Ruth to hold you up during this difficult time. See you all soon. Love xx